Knock, knock!

It's been like, (how long? Can't even tell!) since I last put a piece of puzzle into the rainbow. In the meantime, so many things have changed and I don't even know where to start telling this...

As I write this, I am in Omaha, Nebraska, with 15 other members of my lovely  a cappella group. We are the Cross Products, the MIT Christian a cappella group, a.k.a. 17 people who sing their hearts out to praise God and hopes that people sees Jesus' love through our songs. Bringing our talents, either big or small, we sing, practice, pray, share, talk, laugh, cry, hug, fool around, hop, run, play basketball, pset, get stupid, watch movies, get ice cream, play rock band, and grow in Christ, together. We are fond of one another and we are even more fond of The Creator of music, which happens to be the same Guy as The Creator of the universe.

We are staying with The Bredthauers, (a.k.a. Jacob's family), in a beautiful two-storey house. The whole family has been really welcoming and kind to us; we are really lucky to be here! Mr. Bredthauer is my favorite type of father; silently protecting and gently caring.  The highest pitch he has spoken with is the middle E. :D I can feel the warmth and comfort he brings to his family.

At first, I thought that it must be really awesome to spend time with my 16 favorite people all week, doing nothing else but praising God. Well, that's entirely true. We sang at many places: colleges, schools, hospitals, nursing homes, churches, and homeless shelter. The church (Dundee Presbyterian Church) is a really beautiful church with very warm, welcoming members. We visited an old pastor who was staying in a hospital one day; singing to him brings us a magical moment, as I could see that our songs resonated with his soul. All the nursing homes, contrary to my previous belief, are filled with super cute old people; they hold your hand and don't let go, and they tell you previous stories about their lives. But amongst all places, the one that touched my heart the most was the homeless shelter.

Upon our arrival, a man zoomed his face on our car window. He had shoulder-length gray hair which look dirty, a really oily face and clothes that looked like they haven't been washed in one month. He started to address us as his 'friends' with a scary voice, and asks for money. I was so horrified that all my excitement and joy to sing suddenly drained off me. Someone rescue me! I just want to go home!

Luckily, Mr. Bredthauer came and ushered the man away. I was relieved, but only to realize that now my heart is cold and empty. There's no more joy left in my heart to share to those people. I looked around the building and see fierce eyes scrutinizing us, our shiny clothes, our iphones, our glazing cars, our perfumed clothes, our abundance in the midst of their needs. It was as if I can hear their sarcastic scorn, "We don't need your cheesy songs, just give us the *somethingrude* money."

I was scared. I was scared that they would just attack us for our money. I was scared that they would be insulted by our wealth. But most importantly, I was scared that I will open my mouth and fail my melody. I was scared that we will screw up the performance and screw up God's image.

So I did the only thing that I could think of. I prayed to God. God, please, please, please don't let me screw up. Please don't let my brain go blank. Please don't let me cry in front of them. Please, please, please,  just..... just help! As I was shouting random things to God in my heart (during our warm-up), the Holy Spirit prayed to God, on my behalf, with words that I myself couldn't speak. I can hear Him talking, "God, please let Senna do this, not of her own powers, but of Your infinite grace. After all, this is Your show, Your will, Your show. You will give her the power to sing, and You alone shall be glorified. For it is not through their melodies, but through Your Hands that the audience's hearts will be touched. Cross Products should be smaller, but You should be bigger."

A few minutes later, I was standing in the arc, with pitch pipe already blown, NOT READY to sing. My head was yelling, "Get me out of here! I can't sing right now!" But I looked up, took a deep breath, and said, "God, I am singing for YOU. Hear me sing!" and I just sing my heart out for God. It was a tired, scared melody that I sing to my Father in Heaven, but as the song progresses, I can feel God's warmth filling my empty heart. Slowly, but magically, I can feel Him lifting up my soul and re-filling my stock of joy. My little container is now overflowing with goodness and glory flowing from His throne above. I knew that He listens to my weak voice, He is pleased by it, and even better, He gives me the power to sing more. Near the end of the song, I could finally looked at their eyes instead of the ceiling.

And there was a huge, long, enthusiastic applause. I couldn't recall any applause given to us better than that one. And I feel the sudden realization coming to my heart. This is my little miracle. This is God's works, through my scared and empty heart. See what God can do! For when I am weak, then God is strong!

Throughout the rest of our performance, I could see how much our lyrics touched their hearts. I came to a sweet realization that these homeless people had the same struggle as any one of us; the purpose of life, the broken relationships with God, our own self, and others, our significance and place in the world. I saw their resonating souls through their eyes. I knew that God was speaking personally to many of them, through our music.

And I thought to myself, this is what our gigs are supposed to be, everytime.

I came home feeling happy and satisfied. I am really glad I went on this spring break trip, as it taught me one very important thing about any ministry.

Trying to make it beautiful on our own, even if we want to present it to God later, does not work. God has to be involved in any aspects of our ministry, in fact, He is the one that provides everything. And more importantly, He wants to be involved!

For everything is from Him, by Him, and for Him. :)