Of a fairy tale and the author

I live in two worlds at once. I live in our so-called reality, but my soul is wondering in fairy tale land. Call me naive, but I see my life as a fairy tale. Some parts of me never grow up, one of them is the one that believes I am a princess waiting for my prince to come.

Once, I met a guy who, from a distance, looked like my prince. I thought I noticed his sword, his horse, and his song. But as he got closer, I realized that he wasn't my prince. My heart was really broken.

Unknowing captor, you'll never know how much you
Pierced my spirit, but I can't touch you
Can you hear it, a cry to be free
...
And my bitter pill to swallow is the silence that I keep
(Ghost -- Indigo Girls)

But now, a year later, I begin to stop asking the wrong "why"s and start asking the right "why"s.

Why did my heart break?

Not because he was not my prince, not because I was not his princess,

... but because I was insecure that the Author had my tale end with "happily ever after".

Which was totally absurd! The Author we are talking about here is the same Person who makes sure no birds collide with each other, no petals of a sunflower grows the opposite direction, no ripples on the ocean goes inward, no apples falls upwards...

He writes the story of the whole universe, which is totally breathtaking, and here I am, worrying that he might have a boring story for me!

As I think more and more, I begin to wonder why I am so inclined to love fairy tales. Why I care so much about meeting the right prince. And I think I'm starting to see the answer.

Maybe the prince has been right here beside me all along. Every time I cried, he was there. Every time I needed a shoulder, he was there. He had given me his time, ears, tears, protection, attention, love. His all. Even his life.

I'm starting to dream this heartwarming image of a future. Me, close to my family, together with my prince, serving the poorest, sickest corners of Indonesia. We will live humbly and his love will be my strength. His love will be my calling to pursue, my story to tell, my life to live. With the love he gives me, I will heal the bodies and the hearts of my people.

And maybe my four years at MIT would not be such a waste. Because if I hadn't go to MIT, I wouldn't have realized that he is the answer. That he has been, and still is, and will be, waiting for me to say "yes" to him.

And maybe the prince in my fairy tale is the very same person as the author.

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You’re the only love I’ll need
(Imagine me without you -- Jaci Velasquez)