The harsh winter continues..

If my life are divided into seasons, now is one of the harshest winters. I miss home, I miss home so much. I almost feel embarrassed about it, no one else here misses home this much..

Why does the ticket costs so much.. How much is too much to spend two weeks with my family? I miss them so much. Why does my Dad want me to stay here?

The only thing that sustains me each day is the faith that God is still here, that God is good and faithful, despite my circumstances. Even if my circumstances don't change, do I love Jesus, or do I love the bread that He gives me? (John 6:25-36)

Pastor Larry's 4-days-old son passed away 2 weeks ago. In the funeral, He sang the song "Through it all"...

I'll sing to you Lord a hymn of love

For your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

It blows my mind that He chooses to sing this song, amongst all, to us. His son's name was Emmett, which was taken from the Hebrew word meaning "God's faithfulness". The passage of the sermon at that time was Habakkuk 3:17-19:

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.

These people, Pastor Larry and Habakkuk, puts my own struggle, my own rantings to God, to shame. Faith is believing and not seeing, just as Abraham keeps believing in the promise of the land, even though he did not live to see it. I believe that God has brought me to MIT for a reason... And that He will show His faithfulness in due time. He has a purpose, and I have to wait patiently until it is revealed.

Until then, I will walk hand in hand with Him. Only through His strength that I am able to get up each morning into the cold, keep smiling and trying my best in my studies. Away from the warmth of my family at home.

I just hope I'm not alone during the freezing Christmas in Cambridge again, just like last year... I hope I can have family at that time. God, can you fulfill my wish? But even if He doesn't, I will still trust in Him.