on worrying

i was sitting and worrying about my life. How, because i am not certain whether I will be here for medical school, I started being "caught in the middle of two worlds"... I might not stay for the entire year so I cannot be the leader for some organization I really care about, and i cannot apply for some other positions because I might not be here... And how I have put off MCATs because I wasn't even sure I want to take it and now it's kind of too late to "secure" MCAT scores before I start applying...

then someone came to me, with worries bigger than I have. she might not be able to graduate on time...while I'm agonizing over whether to graduate earlier or not. She has to take a gap year because according to prehealth advising people "she's not ready"... I'm agonizing over not sending MCAT scores earlier. Why am I like this? What right do I have to worry? If I were her, wouldn't I be pissed at myself because I'm an ungrateful beeeetch?

And hey, people are still gracious enough to let me have some positions despite my disability to commit for the entire year... Donna magically still makes me her Associate Advisor for next year! And I can still be on the vision team! And I'm still a Medlink!

I might not be president, but why does a president position matter anyway? Jesus who is God does not consider equality with God something to hold on to, but humbly serve and make himself nothing. If my King does that for me, why should I care whether I get to be president or not? I should not ask questions like "who is most worthy for the position" because nobody is worthy... It's all because of God's grace anyway. So then I should serve humbly and fully, and if I get no acknowledgements from it, I should be even more grateful because I get more opportunity to be like Jesus!

As for my future... I trust that God has a good plan for me. Medical school here, medical school at home... I will go to medical school if God wants me to, and I should stop worrying! I shall not submit to the lies that tells me I'mscrewedandIhaven'tdoneenough and it'smymistakethatI'monthefencesoImissedsomeopportunities...

"Can any of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?... So do not worry ... but seek first his kingdom and and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."